Hello Readers!
I write to you today from a very odd place. I have just finished the Orlando Fringe with the Humor Mill and it wasn't half bad. We had some really good crowds and really good responses to the show. It was quite an experience being amongst all that talent and evolving theatre. I wish I could have spent more time within it, but of course other projects call, such as The Cradle Will Rock, which is why I'm in an odd place.
I am finally getting the chance to work at the "Delirious Bovine" theatre and I fear I am absolutely ruining the possibility of another chance. Now I have to admit, I am off book, I know my songs and lines, all my cues, etc. except I'm lacking one thing, the most important thing: the acting, or better yet, the spirit. I am missing the mark on both of my larger characters. It's just not happening. They aren't there and I don't know how to get them. And I keep getting similar notes and I talk with my director and then I end up bringing the same old crap on stage that is JUST NOT WORKING.
I honestly feel like the weakest link of this show. I try to work on it, try to figure out what I can change, how I can up the stakes, and I kinda come up with some things, but then as soon as the show starts I forget it all and there I am being as bland and uninteresting as the beige-ist beige. And it isn't helping that I'm feeling inferior to the whole cast. And they are being amazing accepting me in, but they all know each other and have worked for years here and there, and are just wonderfully enchanting to watch, and I just feel like I'm bringing it all down. That I'm this kid who doesn't know anything about anything, and they are all wondering why in God's name I'm there. So I have all that working against me, plus I am just looking absolutely disgusting lately. My skin has broken out and I look like I have the Mark of Cain all over my face.
I just don't know what to do. We have two days until preview, I feel it would be better if I just left, because I'm getting in my own way and I'm not bringing the right things to this show. I'm just in a bad place. And it's like I want to keep diving into the script and work and work and work on things but then I feel I just get more frustrated when I do. So it's a double edged sword.
And that's where I am. I had a lovely, but way too short visit, from the family. They saw the show, and let me tell you, nothing more awkward then pretending to watch porn and enjoy it while your mom and brother watch from the audience. I guess it's not as bad as actually participating in sex. Anyway, thank you as always for reading.
So TypeCast wants to know: What do you do to get through mind barriers, to get out of your own way? What is the best way around them?
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
The Passion of Meryl Streep
Hello Readers!
You find me in a better mood today. Life was a little dark and depressing and I was having one of those I'm-not-good-enough-to-be-an-actor episodes, when I was reminded on how life has better things planned for us, even if we don't see it at the time.
What brought on this mood you may ask?
Well once again the Mouse said no to me, even though I was told I was absolutely amazing, but due to budget, sadly it was not a possibility this time. Then I was given another shot for another show with them, and made it all the way to final callbacks and I'm still anxiously awaiting to see if I'll be thinking fish are friends, not food. I had another audition for a theatre doing t.o.s., which seemed to have gone wonderfully, but was not called back, as well as not hearing from Universal if I would be paling around with Dr. Doom. So within a few days, a previous week that had been glorious, was for a melodramatic sense, crashing down around me. Now true, I am still working at Nick and was approved for the improv show (yay!) And true, I am doing a show at the Orlando Fringe Festival, which is pretty impressive. And also true, I am contracted to do a pilot of a new t.v. show. And also very true, I got to do a cast recording of the workshop musical I was in, where I was told at the studio I have a great voice (over the microphone; kinda a passive aggressive comment, but what the hey.) Yet with all of those truths, I was feeling kinda low. For some reason, I did not feel like I was a good enough artist - that something was wrong. And as I'm sure my bestie Leannis was thrilled to be hearing for the umpteenth time of me moving to Orlando, I was having another career crisis ;). I was trying not to have a pity party.
Because it's true. This life can be difficult. There are no guarantees that you'll go from job to job. That you won't have to work a "normal" job to make ends meet. That getting one gig doesn't make you a horrible person. And I realize this topic comes up often in my blog, but I feel like it's an important reminder to myself and to people in the arts, and for life, in general, and should be repeated often since we only have one life.
Live with Passion.
Look at what you are doing and find the good in it, or at least find something that gives you goodness in your life and enjoy it. Find the passion of living everyday. As I watched the making of Julie & Julia today, I was reminded about a few things. First, that I hadn't written in my blog in a while and I was breaking a promise to myself. Second, that people like Julie and Julia found passion in life and embraced it every moment. Third, that Meryl Streep is amazing and she brings so much life and, you guessed it, passion to her work. It was all a big connection for me with blogging and life and being an actor and not letting life pass you by, on all sorts of levels.
So what's my point today. Well, that I will, I promise with all my passion, to write in this blog more often. I have so many people who support me in this, that they deserve something back. Also, I will remember that I need to look at what I'm doing today and enjoy it! Bring passion to it! Forget about tomorrow! (Not completely, but remembering that today is important too.) And finally, I got into a show at Mad Cow! I will be playing Junior Mister/Gent/Clerk in The Cradle Will Rock. It all happened very quick and was exactly what I needed. Life held back a few things, yes, but it gave me a real nice present in return.
So TypeCast Wants to Know: Was there an event in your life that made everything else better? Something that, when it happened, put other things into perspective?
You find me in a better mood today. Life was a little dark and depressing and I was having one of those I'm-not-good-enough-to-be-an-actor episodes, when I was reminded on how life has better things planned for us, even if we don't see it at the time.
What brought on this mood you may ask?
Well once again the Mouse said no to me, even though I was told I was absolutely amazing, but due to budget, sadly it was not a possibility this time. Then I was given another shot for another show with them, and made it all the way to final callbacks and I'm still anxiously awaiting to see if I'll be thinking fish are friends, not food. I had another audition for a theatre doing t.o.s., which seemed to have gone wonderfully, but was not called back, as well as not hearing from Universal if I would be paling around with Dr. Doom. So within a few days, a previous week that had been glorious, was for a melodramatic sense, crashing down around me. Now true, I am still working at Nick and was approved for the improv show (yay!) And true, I am doing a show at the Orlando Fringe Festival, which is pretty impressive. And also true, I am contracted to do a pilot of a new t.v. show. And also very true, I got to do a cast recording of the workshop musical I was in, where I was told at the studio I have a great voice (over the microphone; kinda a passive aggressive comment, but what the hey.) Yet with all of those truths, I was feeling kinda low. For some reason, I did not feel like I was a good enough artist - that something was wrong. And as I'm sure my bestie Leannis was thrilled to be hearing for the umpteenth time of me moving to Orlando, I was having another career crisis ;). I was trying not to have a pity party.
Because it's true. This life can be difficult. There are no guarantees that you'll go from job to job. That you won't have to work a "normal" job to make ends meet. That getting one gig doesn't make you a horrible person. And I realize this topic comes up often in my blog, but I feel like it's an important reminder to myself and to people in the arts, and for life, in general, and should be repeated often since we only have one life.
Live with Passion.
Look at what you are doing and find the good in it, or at least find something that gives you goodness in your life and enjoy it. Find the passion of living everyday. As I watched the making of Julie & Julia today, I was reminded about a few things. First, that I hadn't written in my blog in a while and I was breaking a promise to myself. Second, that people like Julie and Julia found passion in life and embraced it every moment. Third, that Meryl Streep is amazing and she brings so much life and, you guessed it, passion to her work. It was all a big connection for me with blogging and life and being an actor and not letting life pass you by, on all sorts of levels.
So what's my point today. Well, that I will, I promise with all my passion, to write in this blog more often. I have so many people who support me in this, that they deserve something back. Also, I will remember that I need to look at what I'm doing today and enjoy it! Bring passion to it! Forget about tomorrow! (Not completely, but remembering that today is important too.) And finally, I got into a show at Mad Cow! I will be playing Junior Mister/Gent/Clerk in The Cradle Will Rock. It all happened very quick and was exactly what I needed. Life held back a few things, yes, but it gave me a real nice present in return.
So TypeCast Wants to Know: Was there an event in your life that made everything else better? Something that, when it happened, put other things into perspective?
Sunday, May 2, 2010
I've Missed You Readers!
Hello Readers!
I didn't realize how long it has been since we've talked and I apologize for that. Life has been extremely busy (when is it not) and sleep sorta takes precedent.
Enough of that noise though, onto the good stuff! To make sure I get you up to speed fully, I'll just go from project to project:
God Still Dreams of Eden: The project is done...for now. It was performed out at Orlando Shakes for one night (technically we had a very full open dress as a second night performance as well) and people seemed to like it. It went through a lot of changes along the way (and even the day of) but that was the fun (and stress) of it. If you've never worked on a workshop, it's definitely not your normal theatre rehearsal experience. It's a roller coaster of new pages, songs, rewrites, deletions, etc. and can definitely be unsettling, but it's fun to know you helped create something. It's still going under some changes, and we most likely will be performing it again. The fun part is in a few weeks, we get to go do a cast recording of it!
The Humor Mill: Show is getting better and better everyday! Everyone is really pulling together and we are getting some good publicity out there. I and another member got to perform at the Fringe Preview and people really seemed to enjoy the material. We also did a mini-preview for some theatre students and were met with more positive feedback. The group is also shooting some promo videos which you can find on our Facebook page: There is also new promo photos for our show Spare Change as well as the performance video from Fringe Preview.
Nick Hotel: Apart from crazy personal drama (and when do you not have that when entertainers are involved)it's going really well. I truly love this job. Coming to work and acting like a kid is great. Plus, other show possibilities are opening up and it seems like a very nice place to set up a long term home. Also, it's a great place to run through walls during sets where you are acting like a sibling getting chased.
Upcoming News: I have another callback with Disney, this time for Morris in Mulch, Sweat, and Shears over at Hollywood Studios. I also have a callback for Dr. Doom at Islands of Adventure. Both are very exciting possible opportunities, and one or both would be nice to get! Also, I just was cast in a budding television series called Anything Goes At the Castle, which I hope will turn into a blossoming television show.
Now that I'm out of CVS world, I'm happier. I'm back on the path of why I moved down here and that is to make art my passion and my career. Yes, I did take the census job, but it's very flexible and not as demanding. I feel better now about life and I actually have moments to stop and breathe for a sec and not wake up in next month wondering what happened. Thank you again readers for sticking with me and I hope to bring you amazing news soon!
TypeCast wants to know: What are annoying/frustrating habits that drive you nuts when your director/boss does them?
I didn't realize how long it has been since we've talked and I apologize for that. Life has been extremely busy (when is it not) and sleep sorta takes precedent.
Enough of that noise though, onto the good stuff! To make sure I get you up to speed fully, I'll just go from project to project:
God Still Dreams of Eden: The project is done...for now. It was performed out at Orlando Shakes for one night (technically we had a very full open dress as a second night performance as well) and people seemed to like it. It went through a lot of changes along the way (and even the day of) but that was the fun (and stress) of it. If you've never worked on a workshop, it's definitely not your normal theatre rehearsal experience. It's a roller coaster of new pages, songs, rewrites, deletions, etc. and can definitely be unsettling, but it's fun to know you helped create something. It's still going under some changes, and we most likely will be performing it again. The fun part is in a few weeks, we get to go do a cast recording of it!
The Humor Mill: Show is getting better and better everyday! Everyone is really pulling together and we are getting some good publicity out there. I and another member got to perform at the Fringe Preview and people really seemed to enjoy the material. We also did a mini-preview for some theatre students and were met with more positive feedback. The group is also shooting some promo videos which you can find on our Facebook page: There is also new promo photos for our show Spare Change as well as the performance video from Fringe Preview.
Nick Hotel: Apart from crazy personal drama (and when do you not have that when entertainers are involved)it's going really well. I truly love this job. Coming to work and acting like a kid is great. Plus, other show possibilities are opening up and it seems like a very nice place to set up a long term home. Also, it's a great place to run through walls during sets where you are acting like a sibling getting chased.
Upcoming News: I have another callback with Disney, this time for Morris in Mulch, Sweat, and Shears over at Hollywood Studios. I also have a callback for Dr. Doom at Islands of Adventure. Both are very exciting possible opportunities, and one or both would be nice to get! Also, I just was cast in a budding television series called Anything Goes At the Castle, which I hope will turn into a blossoming television show.
Now that I'm out of CVS world, I'm happier. I'm back on the path of why I moved down here and that is to make art my passion and my career. Yes, I did take the census job, but it's very flexible and not as demanding. I feel better now about life and I actually have moments to stop and breathe for a sec and not wake up in next month wondering what happened. Thank you again readers for sticking with me and I hope to bring you amazing news soon!
TypeCast wants to know: What are annoying/frustrating habits that drive you nuts when your director/boss does them?
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