Hello Readers!
I write to you today from a very odd place. I have just finished the Orlando Fringe with the Humor Mill and it wasn't half bad. We had some really good crowds and really good responses to the show. It was quite an experience being amongst all that talent and evolving theatre. I wish I could have spent more time within it, but of course other projects call, such as The Cradle Will Rock, which is why I'm in an odd place.
I am finally getting the chance to work at the "Delirious Bovine" theatre and I fear I am absolutely ruining the possibility of another chance. Now I have to admit, I am off book, I know my songs and lines, all my cues, etc. except I'm lacking one thing, the most important thing: the acting, or better yet, the spirit. I am missing the mark on both of my larger characters. It's just not happening. They aren't there and I don't know how to get them. And I keep getting similar notes and I talk with my director and then I end up bringing the same old crap on stage that is JUST NOT WORKING.
I honestly feel like the weakest link of this show. I try to work on it, try to figure out what I can change, how I can up the stakes, and I kinda come up with some things, but then as soon as the show starts I forget it all and there I am being as bland and uninteresting as the beige-ist beige. And it isn't helping that I'm feeling inferior to the whole cast. And they are being amazing accepting me in, but they all know each other and have worked for years here and there, and are just wonderfully enchanting to watch, and I just feel like I'm bringing it all down. That I'm this kid who doesn't know anything about anything, and they are all wondering why in God's name I'm there. So I have all that working against me, plus I am just looking absolutely disgusting lately. My skin has broken out and I look like I have the Mark of Cain all over my face.
I just don't know what to do. We have two days until preview, I feel it would be better if I just left, because I'm getting in my own way and I'm not bringing the right things to this show. I'm just in a bad place. And it's like I want to keep diving into the script and work and work and work on things but then I feel I just get more frustrated when I do. So it's a double edged sword.
And that's where I am. I had a lovely, but way too short visit, from the family. They saw the show, and let me tell you, nothing more awkward then pretending to watch porn and enjoy it while your mom and brother watch from the audience. I guess it's not as bad as actually participating in sex. Anyway, thank you as always for reading.
So TypeCast wants to know: What do you do to get through mind barriers, to get out of your own way? What is the best way around them?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
alex,
ReplyDeletei think you are so overworked with having to be here and there and everywhere that you've lost a little bit of the passion driving you to do what you do because there's just so much work and lack of sleep and craziness in your schedule involved. at least that's what it sounds like, and it happens to me a lot. just take a deep breath and try to let the rest of your worries and obligations melt away when you do your shows and take everything one step at a time, and the best thing i can tell you to do is watch or listen to anything that motivates you. clips of shows, music....it works like a charm for me. you're so talented-there's no way you could ever be a weak link. i can't wait to work with you again!
Linds :)
I wonder if, because it's such a kind of breakthrough gig in a way, you're over-thinking it too much. If you're in your head the whole time wondering what the character should be doing, or how the character should say this and that, then you're losing your connection with the character. I know what a perfectionist you are... maybe the drive to keep diving back into the script is what's getting in your way. I'm sure you know the words on the page as well as you can at this point. If you're getting similar notes multiple times, focus on that. Work (outside rehearsal) on changing the character to fix those notes. When you get to rehearsal, just breathe and be confident in all the outside work you've done. And stop thinking. You're going to be wonderful!
ReplyDeleteFrom where I'm sitting, you look great out there, and with this ridiculously short rehearsal schedule, all of us are out of sorts. I swear, this post could have been written by me during most of the stuff I've done there. And right now I feel like I'm sucking horribly too. We'll get through this and come out with an amazing show. Mad Cow don't cast no losers; you are awesome!!
ReplyDeleteAlex, take a deep breath. It sounds like you've worked yourself into a rut with this part, and only having your post here to go on, I'm going to say its all from stress. First, you feel like you're the little fish in the pond, or the new kid, and that is tough, even when everyone is welcoming and nice. Second, because of that, you're trying really hard, and perhaps have worked the part so hard that you've dug a rut. I'm sure you can fill in third, fourth, and so on...
ReplyDeleteThe first solution that comes to mind is finding a new perspective for the character, or each character. Its hard, but try to step completely back, and think about the person in a way you haven't. If he was an animal, what would he be? My last character turned out to be a poorly trained, slightly neurotic hound dog. Or is there a piece of music that the character would really like.. why? What would the character's uncle louis think of the situation? something, anything that takes your headspace away from rut-land and gives you something different.
Of course, none of that works if you have great stuff and then it disappears when you walk onstage. And thats all about confidence, I think. There is no reason you shouldn't have confidence. You're a phenomenal actor. I would work with you on ANYTHING given half a chance and a babysitter. Whatever hotshot group you find yourself with, you wouldn't be there if they didn't cast you. So ... this is sounding too much like a cheap motivational speech. You fucking rule, is the bottom line. I know it and if you'd step out of your own way, you'd realize that you know it, too.